chatter: voice in our head, why it matters & how to harness it- Ethan Kross

Intro

• Engaging in introspection does significantly more harm than good
• chatter consists of the cyclical negative thought and emotions that turn our singular capacity for introspection into a curse rather than blessing
• instead of succumbing to the pain of past , concentrate on connecting with present.
• We spend 1/3 to 1/2 of our waking life not living in present.
• our verbal stream of thought is so industrious that we internally talk to ourselves at a rate equivalent to speaking 4000 words/minute out loud.

why we talk to ourselves

• The brain’s essential task is powering of working memory. Humans have natural tendency to conceptualize memory in the romantic, long-term and nostalgic sense.
• working memory able us to remember what someone said a few seconds earlier and then incorporate it into the evolving discussion in a relevant way.
• when it stops working or operates sub optimally , our capacity to perform the most ordinary activities fails
• Connected to working memory is the inner voice- A critical component of working memory is a neural system that specializes in verbal information. It is called the phonological loop. It has 2 parts- the inner ear and inner voice- which allows us to retain words in our head.
• our working memory relies on the phonological loop for keeping our linguistic neural pathways online so that we can function productively outside ourself while keeping our conversation going within
• our verbal development goes hand in hand with our emotional development. Speaking to ourselves out loud helps us learn to control ourselves.
• Language plays a critical role in how we learn to control ourselves. Conversations are “tuned “ in part by our upbringing. Our environment influence how we view the world, including how we think about self-control.
• Imaginary play promotes self-control such as creative thinking, confidence, and good communication.
• spontaneous thoughts related to goals are among the most frequent kind that fills our minds. Its inner voice alerting us to pay attention to an objective.
• We use our mind to write the story of our lives , with us as the main character. Doing so helps us mature, figuring out our values and desires and weather change and adversity by keeping us rooted in continuous identity. It helps us “storify” life.
• In a situation where you should be happy, but a ruminative thought swallows our mind. Your mind is not defined by what you did but by what you thought about.
• inner voice in head allows us to function ,achieve goals,create,connect and define who we are in wonderful ways. But when it morphs into chatter,it is so overwhelming that it causes us to lose sight of this.

when talking to ourselves backfires

• when we find ourselves overwhelmed by emotion and too much information, one of the things inner voice does is harness our attention, narrowing it in on the obstacles we encounter to the exclusion of everything else.
• Paying attention, reasoning wisely,thinking creatively require you to exercise conscious control. Your labor -intensive executive functions need every neuron they can get, but negative inner voice hogs our neural capacity
• verbal rumination concentrates our attention narrowly on the source of our emotional distress, thus stealing neurons that could better serve us
• we jam our executive funtion by doing dual task i.e task at hand and task of listening to our inner voice. Thats how chatter divides and blurs our attention.
• the chatter in form of repetitive anxious thoughts has very debilitating effects.
• People who share complain, share about loss ,grieve and pain experience more social friction and less emotional support in their relationship .
• Talking for too long and too frequently about your problems to others irritates and alienates others.
• When we let our chatter drive social behavior, we frequently crash into range of negative behavior. This starts a vicious cycle of social isolation which further wound us.
• The main culprit of keeping our stress active is our negative verbal stream. Chronic negative thoughts can push into the territory of mental illness
• when our panic response is prolonged,it causes more harm than our ability to fight sickness and keep our body running smoothly.

zooming out

• chatter is what happens when we zoom in close on something , inflaming our emotions to the exclusion of all the alternative ways of thinking about the issue that cools us down. We lose perspective. It increases anxiety, stress, and depression.
• when we get stuck in problems and unable to find a way out — our inner voice turns into rumination
• Distraction is a short-term fix . it keeps negative feeling temporarily at bay,but negative feeling remains, eagerly waiting to be reactivated again.
• An effective way to counter it is ability to see yourself from afar.
• The people who view event from 1st person perspective -got trapped in their emotions and the verbal flood they released.
• Distancing by adopting an observer perspective shortened the duration of peoples negative mood. However damping effect it also shortened positive experience.
• Teaching people to “ see the big picture” reduce intrusive thinking and avoidance of painful memories.
• Wisdom involves using our mind to reason constructively about a particular set of problems.A wise form of reasoning relates to see the big picture, recognizing the limit of ones own knowledge, becoming aware of the varied context of life, acknowledging other peoples viewpoint, and reconciling opposing perspective .
• you can teach people how to think wisely regardless of their age- through gaining distance. Psychological distance, it seems, is the tonic to Solomon’s Paradox- Solomon’s Paradox, is widespread — we tend to reason more wisely about other people’s problems than our very own.
• Uncertainty around us brings more chatter- which cloud our judgement and leads to poor decision making.
• avoid an “inside view” and embrace “outside view”. Inside view limits thinking to your circumstances and outside view includes a broader sense of possibilities and thus more accuracy. You are able to better foresee obstacles and prepare accordingly.It improves your decision making.
• Learning about suffering that her forebears had endured helped put her trials and tribulation in perspective.
• when people are going through difficult experience- asking them to imagine how they will feel 10 yrs from now ,rather tomorrow , can be another remarkably effective way of putting experience into perspective.Doing so leads people to understand that their experience are temporary , which provides them with hope- this method called temporal discounting.
• By focusing on our experiences from the perspective of narrator who has to create a story, journaling creates distance from our experience. We feel less tied to it.

when I become you

• Frequency illusion, also known as the Baader–Meinhof phenomenon, is a cognitive bias in which, after noticing something for the first time, there is a tendency to notice it more often, leading someone to believe that it has a high frequency
• Distance self-talk is a psychological hack embedded in fabric of human language . We know that its benefit are diverse.
• distance self-talk have the ability to interpret sources of stress as challenges rather than threats.It prompts you to say”you can do it” rather than catastrophing the situation.
• Situations are threating — when we are uncertain and dont have adequate resource to deal with it, on the other hand , when we apprise the situation and determing what we have what it takes to respond adequately , we take it as challenge
• when we normalize experience i.e proble is not exclusive tied to you but being faced by every other . Our internal dialogue says it is borne by others so can I . This offers relief

power and peril of other people

• When people are upset , they are strongly driven to share their emotion to others but talking about our negative experiences doesn’t help us recover in any meaningful way.
• When we are upset and feel vulnerable we want to vent out our emotion and feel consoled, validated and understood. This provides an immediate sense of security and connection. When people are upset, they seek out other people for support and care
• we often need others to help us distance, normalize and change the way we are thinking about the experiences we are going through. By doing so, we allow our emotions to cool down. In other words when we are upset , we tend to overfocus on receiving empathy rather than finding practical solutions.
• people who care about us prompt us to talk more about our negativ experience , which lead us to become more upset, which then leads to ask still more questions. A vicious cycle ensues , allowing ourself to get sucked into. It is like adding salt to the wounds. The rehashing of narratives revives unpleasantness and keep us brooding. It doesnt help us generate a plan or creatively reframe the problem at hand . Instead it fuels our negative emotion..
• when we focus on negative aspect of our experience , we tend to activate related negative thought ,which leads to dominoes effect
• The most effective verbal exchanges are those that integrates social and cognitive needs of the problem. The interlocutor acknowledges the persons feeling ,but then helps to put the situation in perspective.it can help people who are upser feel validated and connected and then you pivot to help them by showing big picture.
• Always ask — is the person helping you -keep on extracting personal information or helping with practical solution? later are always preferred.
• When the problems are specialized, specific people are more helpful. People who diversify their source of support -benefit the most.Think critically after chatter provoking events occur and reflect on who helped you
• Offering advice without considering persons need undermine a persons sense of self efficacy- the belief that we can overcome this situation.
• Invisible support- helping without recipients being aware about it — is the formula for supporting others while not making them feel bad about lacking the resources. It involves taking care of household chores or providing people with perspective broadening advice. Doing this , transmits needed information and support , but without shining a spotlight on vulnerable.
• another effective way- is affectionate touch. Physical contact calm us. It improves our ability to deal with stress, promotes relationship satisfaction and reduce feeling of loneliness. It also activates brain reward circuitry.
• outside in
• green views like nature,trees or arificial green surrounding helps us more focused attention,feel us calmer and more challenge oriented
• People report less stress when living with more green space.
• nature acts as battery, recharging the limited attention reserves. Attention restoration theory.
• Fascination experienced in nature is referred to as soft fascination (Kaplan & Kaplan, 1989). This is in contrast to hard fascination (e.g. sporting events, watching TV, etc) that demand full attention, not allowing for other thinking, including reflection.
• voluntary attention is easily exhausted and needs continual recharging , while involuntary attention doesnt burn as much .nature recharges us.
• nature walk improves cognitive function and led to feel happier
• Not only nature , but second hand exposure to nature through photos, videos our music also restores attentional resources.
• Awe is the wonder we fee when we encounter something powerful. Awe is self transcendent emotion allows people to think and feel beyond their own needs: the neural activity associated with self immersion decreases.
• When you are in the presence of something vast and indescribable- it is hard to maintain the view that you are center of the world. This is described as shrinking of self. Awe helps people to prioritize time effectively and productively.
• The operating power of awe is its ability to make us feel smaller , nudging us to cede control of our inner voice to a greater grandeur.
• nadal principle- By settling bottle in particular alignment- he creates order in physical environment to provide him with orders that he seeks internally. This tendency to structure elements in our environment acts as buffer against chatter.The desire t have control over oneself is a strong human drive.
• Seeing order in world is comforting because it makes life easier to navigate

mind magic

• Placebos- like making you feel positive about certain thing,events take out enormous stress.
• The more we bring our prior experience to bear on what is required to navigate the world,better we able to do it.
• if you think a substance will help you- it will- a placebo.
• rituals are infused with meaning- they help us transcend our own concerns, connecting us with forces larger than ourselves.They broaden our perspective..They direct our attention from what is bothering us and ritual leave little room for anxiety and negative self talk. It also provides with sense of order
• cuing people to engage in completely arbitary acts that are not rigid in structures has benefits.

conclusion

To reduce chatter in brain

1. Use distance self talk
2. imagine advising a friend
3. broaden your perspective
4. create order in your environment
5. seek out awe inspiting events
6. reframe your experience as challenge
7. reinterpret your body chatter response
8. normalize your experience
9. engage in mental time travel- like felling about how you will shape in next 10 or 15 yrs
10. change the view
11. look for a photo of loved ones
12. minimize passive social media usage
13. write expressively
14. being closer to green space,nature
15. perform a ritual

How to help others in stress?

1. providing social and cognitive efforts
2. provide invisible supports.
3. tell them that they are hero
4. touch affectionately